Friday, October 31, 2014

Meg's Musings: Being Free

People tend to have a lot of mixed feelings about being single, for obvious reasons, but one thing I'm pretty sure of is this: people in general are very uncomfortable with adults who are happily single. So uncomfortable that it becomes their job to find other "lonely" mortals to throw in your direction, like you're not capable of making human contact if you so desired.

I'm wondering why. I mean, I get it. It's about stability, or something. The appearance of stability is something I am giving up right now, I suppose, but it is replaced by some other things that are pretty great. It took me a while to notice any upside to the single life. But now it hits me out of the blue sometimes, like last week, when I was sitting in a movie theater in the middle of the day by my damn self because that's just what I felt like doing when I happened to pass by a movie theater and, as it turns out, Gone Girl was just about to start.
It's the "ME" factor that makes this phase of my life kinda cool. I used to be uncomfortable being alone because I was on the run -- running from a lot of things, but mostly, running from who I was at that point in my life. I didn't like that person. She wasn't me, she wasn't fun, we didn't agree on most things, and I didn't really like being alone around her. But then I made her change, and now... hell, I like her so much that I'm comfortable being around her all the damn time. "Her" is me, of course, and my point is... I like it. I like being alone now. And for once, it's not because I'm running. It's because that is what I'm choosing, and this choice is a healthy one for me right now.
Ain't gon' lie though, people think it's weird. Weird to be single in your late 20s and most definitely weird to be perfectly content with that. But it's not weird. It's fun when a last minute trip to the lake comes up and you just throw your stuff in a bag and take off for a weekend. It's cool when  a new job opportunity comes up in a lakeside town an hour away, and even though you already just moved to a new state 3 months ago, you say hmmmm why not?! I'll go for it. Time for a new adventure.

It's freeing to throw the time table to the wind. To be responsible without having a plan. To find your sense of adventure. Trust. Independence. A go-with-the-flow spirit.

It's a breath of fresh air for someone who has spent too much time just surviving the storms of life. I'm still alive and that's a beautiful and miraculous thing. This is what healing feels like. I'm presently free.

- Meg


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