Steph Says: I have a problem.

It's no secret that I love to eat. I mean, how else would I have spent most of my teen and adult life over 200 pounds? By eating healthy and exercising? Surely, you jest.

I didn't "discover" exercise until my dear friend Katie made me wog the LSU lakes with her (she jogged ahead, I stumbled along gasping for air and mentally writing my will), then dragged me to the Rec and taught me how to do hip bridges. (What a fabulous introduction, eh?) Somehow, I got a little hooked.

Eating, on the other hand, has always been my downfall. Let's hope there's a taco in that other hand.
I know all the tricks. I've tried almost every diet in the book. I've counted calories, points, carbs, proteins, fats, and the pounds on the scale as they've gone up and down and up and down.
And up.

Lately, I've been having a bit of a mental block. And I'm seeing the results on the scale. I was so close to my goal of losing 100 pounds in two years, but I didn't quite make it. By a measly FIVE POUNDS. And that has sent me into a tailspin of unhealthy choices, one after the other.

I have this terrible tendency to let one bad choice ruin my whole day. Ate too many carbs at lunch? Oh well, guess I need to make oven s'mores at 10:00 p.m. with Triscuits because I am a sad, desperate woman.

Why.

Why can't I just say, "Steph...you had way too many carbs at lunch...so BEHAVE YOSELF the rest of the day"? Why must I sabotage all my hard work with a major TREAT YOSELF-style binge?

I managed to do 10 days of nearly perfect IIFYM tracking, but then on Saturday night we went to a little outdoor concert where I decided that I needed sangria and pizza. So that was naturally followed by ice cream, steak, garlic bread, toffee cookies, Chinese food, cake balls, a scone, and more unskinnified iced coffee than I'd like to admit.
(At least I didn't eat all that in one sitting. Or even in one day. I spaced out the binge over four days...yay?)

So here I sit on Thursday morning wallowing in regret and self-pity and some extra pounds. I've been here before. I didn't like it all those other times...and I don't like it now.

So WHY do I keep doing this to myself?

Will there ever be a time in my life that I can just apply all of this knowledge and continuously make healthy choices, with a few little splurges here and there? Splurges that I can just savor in the moment, and then move on. Will I ever be able to lose or maintain just by knowing and eating what's good for me (whole grains, lean meats) instead of craving and devouring what's bad (whole cakes, sugary sweets)?

I'm tired of starting over...so why do I keep giving up?